Questions from the Spirit late in the night

1 Kings 19:8-13
8 So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Horeb, the mountain of God, 9 where he lived in a cave.
But the Lord said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
10 He replied, "I have worked very hard for the Lord God of the heavens; but the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you and torn down your altars and killed your prophets, and only I am left; and now they are trying to kill me too."
11 "Go out and stand before me on the mountain," the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain; it was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake, there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his scarf and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
And a voice said, "Why are you here, Elijah?" TLB

Why am I here?
Why do I desire the fire and power of God to be shown to me in all His might and miraculous glory when He shows me so often that he speaks softly?

Isa 30:21-221 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." NIV

Blessing of Faith

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly that you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

I've started writing down verses that I want to commit to memory on a large dry erase board. The verse quoted above is the last one on the board, perfectly positioned so that I caught the words "God has given you" as I got up from my computer to feed my son Gideon. God has given you. I was suddenly caught, holding a child that I love so much, a gift from God, surrounded by blessings. I read the rest of the verse and further realized that even my faith in the source of my blessings comes from the Father.

66. Thank you Lord for my faith. For the renewal you offer of my faith in the evidence of your creation and in the inspiration of your word. Thank you for the reminder of your gift this day.

6 degrees

Ever heard of that six degrees of separation rule? Sure you have, you probably heard about it from your husband, who heard about it from his boss, who heard about it from their best friend, who heard about it from their mother-in-law who heard about it from their choir leader who heard about it from their barber, the same one who cuts (insert famous person) hair. Its the rule that says everyone is connected to everyone else by six people. You are only six people away from the Pope, the President, the CEO of Microsoft, and Billy Graham. Isn't that amazing?
Now think what that means for us as Christians. We as a body of Christ are all only six people away from each other. What a great design plan by God. Now factor in the Holy Spirit and be awed at how connected we are. In fact, instead of six degrees of separation, I'll call it the six degrees of God connection. I know that I've experienced this connectedness, in fact, I was inspired to write this blog because of something that happened to me today. Just yesterday I was on my myspace page where one of my friends is Jesus. Now I know some people think that someone is being really irreverent to make a myspace page in Jesus's name, but the author of it in no way involves himself as an entity or pretends to be Jesus. As he explains in his blog on his page, he just wanted to give a space to Jesus for evangelistic purposes and to be able to give people, like me, the chance to have Jesus in their friends list. And I love having Jesus in my number one friend spot.
Anyway, I saw that Jesus had updated his page and went to go look at what he had done. I clicked over to his page and saw a video called just stop and think, which turned out to be just about the best evangelistic video I've ever seen, done by Pastor Francis Chan of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California. I wondered if he'd done any other videos and watched some sermons of his on youtube. Just fantastic stuff. I loved his lukewarm and loving it sermon. The way he described how when we are lukewarm and love the things of this world more than God it makes Jesus want to gag will stick with me the next time I think something material can ever compare to the things of God. I wanted to hear more of his sermons so I went to the website of his church, found their sermons page and started listening to his Intimacy with God series that he did back in 2005. It's just an amazing series, especially since it echoes alot of where the Spirit has been leading my studies these past few months. It's a call to love God intensly, to be in love with God. In my own life, I've felt so led to learn more and more about His nature, His Son, His Sacrifice, and His Spirit and to live as he commands. To see a Pastor have such an obvious love relationship with our creator and to have him communicate it so well is a blessing to his church and to the body of believers. So what does this have to do with the rule of six degrees? I'll get there.
I spent the morning listening to Pastor Chan's stuff. In the evening I went to one of my favorite websites, Holy Experience, Ann Voskamps blog. And guess what is on her blog, published there as of today? A clip of one of Pastor Chans sermons from youtube! Ok, so a skeptic could say "So? Its possible that she's known about Pastor Chan for a long time, that doesnt have to be from the some sorta intra-body connectedness thing." It's not just a coincidence. Because she linked two clips from Pastor Chan. The other clip she linked is from his Intimacy with God series done all the way back in 2005! The clip was used on her A Childs Geography Website and guess what, it also was posted just today. I was blown away. How cool is that?! That screams God to me, about how interconnected the body is, and how He designed it to be that way. Because of a Christian I found the pastor. A fellow Christian and I both watched the Pastor on the same day. The Sister in Christ lives in Canada and I live in Massachusetts and the Pastor is in Southern California. I love the internet. And I really love what God does through the internet.
And I love it when God talks to me or does nifty stuff in my life. And then I was thinking on the 'coincidence' and how cool it was when I remembered about the six degrees of separation. And I realized that God had pointed out the connections that can happen to me for a reason. He was pointing out to me how I'm a member of the body of Christ, even when I'm seperate from having an actual place of worship. The story of why my husband and I dont have a chuch to call our own is long and will probably be another blog. Or a book. But I've been praying and asking God to make me a part of the larger body again. To give us a place to worship with other believers and a way to get there. And God went and showed me how I'm connected to the body in a spiritual sense. The six degrees of God connection works through the internet too!
Another really cool aspect of being six people away from everyone is that it means that unbelievers are only six people away from a Christian. I think thats comforting and proves to me that if a person desires to know God, then God can easily open the door for knowledge to get to him. All some unbeliever in Laos or China or Algeria has to do is acknowledge the great and awesome Creator that made nature and desire to know more. God is then faithful to get that knowledge to them, He says that His voice goes to the ends of the earth.
So what am I saying. I'm saying that the world is really small. And everyone on it is connected to each other. But unlike the Hippies and communications experts, I'm saying that our connections are designed and fostered by God. Thanks God for showing me how awesome your plan is and how we are all interconnected for your glory.

A shining light in a small container

I was reading an article from Compass Direct about a young girl, only 13, who was dragged away from her house and raped by five men in the middle of the night in Bangladesh. She was then left for her Father, a local pastor responsible for bringing 25o souls to Christ, and family to find the next morning on their lawn. It's not just because I have two daughters that tears sprang to my eyes. It's not just because of the horrible tragedy of innocence and purity lost. A sentence leaped out at me when I was reading.
"Elina Das has identified two of the rapists and could identify the others if she saw them or their pictures, said Das[the father]."
Young Elina had the courage to identify who attacked her. Her courage is amazing when you consider that she is so young, just went through something horrific, and her family is in danger. The police, authorities that we teach our young people to trust, even went and heaped insult onto that small hurting soul.
“Police told me that it was a false case,” Das said. “They also said that it was a fabricated drama. Police spoke with my daughter in filthy language and showed prurient interest in the details of the incident in front of us rather than filing the case quickly.”
And she still spoke out to who did this too her. I see the strength only God can bring in this girl. It is only because of God that when we are weak, we can be strong. To have such trust in the Lord when so young is beautiful.
Lord, may I raise my children to know you and stand firm in your strength in the harshest of tragedies. I pray that you will encourage, heal, and strengthen Elina Das and her family that they may continue to show your light.
This story can be found at http://www.compassdirect.org/en/display.php?page=news&lang=en&length=long&idelement=5368
Stacy L. Harp at the Voice of the Martyrs blog wrote also about this tragedy. You can read her blog at http://www.persecutionblog.com/2008/05/muslims-gang-ra.html.

I Named Her Hannah

I have a four month old daughter named Hannah. She's just beautiful, delicate features, full cheeks, dark, dark blue eyes, and the happiest smile. Smile not shown... of course... sigh. When she was two days old a small red spot appeared on her right cheek. I didnt think much of it, my daughter Maggie had had one too, and it went away by the time she was three months. When I took Hannah to her one month wellness check, her pediatrician told me it was a hemanglioma, but that it would dissappear. In fact she told me that it looked like it was starting to dissappear already. I told that to my mom, who had been concerned, and felt better about it myself. Instead of going away, it got a little bigger, till it reached its present size, which is about the size of a dime. A spot the size of a dime isnt that big unless it happens to be on a baby's face. Then it's huge, especially when a month later its still not gone and it hasnt gotten any better.
Meanwhile, my Dad came to visit and see his new grandchildren for the first time. He's a doctor so my concern level grew when he said that hemanglioma's didnt always dissappear, Gorbachev's being an example. Then she developed another one elsewhere on her body (a place covered by the diaper) and I took her to the doctor again. This time I met with a different doctor from the same practice, who told me that because the spot was on her face that I could take her to a plastic surgeon and get them removed.
So it was spiritual crunch time. Do I take her to the plastic surgeon or not. I know what most people are thinking at this point, what's the big deal about getting it removed? The big deal is that I know that God put that spot on her face, that He allowed those hemagliomas to form, and that he had a purpose in doing so. So to remove it is to defy God's plan. Would He allow me to do so? Of course. Would He want me to do so? Of course not. God tells us through his word that how we show him our love is by obeying his commands and aligning ourselves to him. So I chose to not take her to a plastic surgeon. I prayed to God to remove the mark and have tried to have faith. I know that this decision is not easily understood, my mom didnt seem to understand I dont think my dad would either (despite his being a strong christian. hmm... maybe he would suprise me). But I have trust in God and I'm called to act in faith, that anything that's not of faith is sin. And I know that he will remove the mark, in fact my coming to know this is what this blog is really about.
See, I named her Hannah, after the mother of Samuel. You'll find her story in the first few chapters of 1st Samuel. She was a barren woman, one of two wives and was tormented by the other wife and by her own longing for children. She went to God in prayer and promised to dedicate any child given to her to God. God answered her prayer and gave her Samuel. The amazing thing to me, what struck me (because I have children), is that she kept her vow. She gave Samuel to the temple for him to live there and she visited him once a year. There's this one line that I can see so clearly a picture of, where she made Samuel a little robe every year and brought it too him when they made their trip to sacrifice in Jerusalem. It had such a sense of poignancy to me, and I was amazed at her faith and ability to keep her promise. When I was looking for a bible name to match with Gideon (Hannah's twin) I chose her name, even though it wasn't my favorite name (at least in the past).
Since the mark developed, I've gone to God several times asking him to remove it. Lol, Hannah's only four months old, I'm so impatient. I've strived to have faith in God, that He is fully capable of removing it. Also, to recognize that maybe he wouldn't and that his will is still preferable to mine. The last realization has been difficult but has given me reason to go to God's word to seek Him, His charactor, and His will. And while I was studying the name Lord of the Hosts, the Spirit told me what God was going to do. A website thats done a study on the different names of God, talked on the story of Hannah when discussing Jehovah Sabaoth (Lord of Hosts). Apparently 1st Samuel is the first appearance of this name.
1 Sam 1:10-11She, greatly distressed, prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. 11 She made a vow and said, "O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head." NASU
Quote from the website: http://www.preceptaustin.org/jehovah_sabaoth_-_lord_of_hosts.htm
Hannah made a crucial choice - instead of focusing on her bitterness, she accepted God's appointment to brokenness & ran in her extremity to the sufficiency of Jehovah Sabaoth, a wonderful illustration of Phil 4:6, 4:7:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to )od. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (see notes Phil 4:6, 4:7)

Earlier in the same site, the author had written on how the name Hannah means grace, which he/they translate to mean: "God's transforming power to live a supernatural life. I personally think that my husbands definition is more fitting. He defines grace to be all the divine circumstances that God brings together to work in a person's life. The thayers definition is "that which affords kindness, favor.(paraphrased)" Then, the author asked, "Why is Hannah suffering barrenness?" This is what they answered that question with.

Compare Hannah's "illness" to Jesus' teaching in John 9:

When queried by His disciples regarding whether the blind man or his parents had sinned, (Jn 9: 3) 'Jesus answered,

It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him

What Jesus meant was that God had created a condition so that when He relieved it, new insights, new glory would break forth for His own name & people would understand more of His mercy, grace & power than they ever could have had the affliction not been present. God does not allow hindrances or difficult circumstances to torment us or to lead us into bitterness or resentment. We often turn our "barrenness" into bitterness. God gives "barrenness" to us in order that as we bring it back to Him in prayer, so that in turn He might lead us to a solution we never would have found otherwise, a greater answer than we ever could have dreamed of. That is what Hannah's story is revealing about the LORD of hosts. He gave her the problem in order that she might bring it to Him to find the solution He had in mind.

I put in bold the words that I know the Spirit was speaking to me through. Because of this I realized that God was showing me, and all who will be affected by her mark, kindness. That He has set up a situation to show His power. I named my daughter Hannah after a woman that God used as a demonstration of his love, mercy, and grace. And now God is going to use my daughter in the same fashion, and like Hannah of the Bible, my Hannah wont be harmed by her experience. Hannah was blessed by God with five more children. My Hannah will be healed and her face will never bear a bit of evidence that she was ever even marked.

From One Scarred Hand to the Other

There's this wonderful song by Casting Crowns called East to West. I've liked it from the first time I heard it but only a couple days ago did I realize this song applies to me. I've always been grateful to God for evangelizing me gently, through the conversion of my husband. I'm thankful also b/c my husband remains an incredible spiritual leader of the household, I cant express how much my journey has been influenced by his headlong rush to maturity. I know that if Jared hadnt responded, it would have taken some hard times before I would have on my own. As it was I came to Christ as a silly worry-filled near-woman. I cant say that I was all that grown-up for a twenty-two year old for all that I'd been out of the house and living w/ Jared (my husband) since I was eighteen. But I've always looked back and thought well, I never had to develope cancer or go through finacial difficulties for me to go looking for God. Lol, He came looking for me! That brings to mind John 15:16 where the Lord said "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit"
Anyway, I was listening to this song for the thousandth time and right there at the very beginning I was hit by these words.

"The chains of yesterday surround me

I yearn for peace and rest

I don't want to end up where You found me

And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight"

Like I said, I came gently to God, my life has been wonderful, no trama, no drama (at least none that wasnt other than self-caused), I've been w/ the same wonderful man for ten years, my parents are divorced but whose arent anymore (my husband's, lol, lucky for him!) and even thanks again to God, was raised fairly well off money wise. But before I found the truth, I was always plagued by a deep fear of death and a huge sense of worry about life. When I was twelve I reached out to God in fear, but b/c I didnt reach out through His Son it didnt stick. When I was thirteen I stupidly played around with being suicidal, it really was just a manifestation of my fear, but it landed me a couple stints at the shrinks office( well that and the divorce which occurred at the same time, poor mom). This fear stayed and became an extreme hyperchondria that to this day I think only my husband knows just how bad it was. I spent soooo much time panicing "do I have cancer? do I have a brain tumor? do I have this? is this a symptom of that?" Lol, my dad's a doctor, I'm amazed at how much self-control I had to not plague him every day. As it was I'd get the slightest sniffle and I would get him to call me in antibiotics. I also constantly kept worrying over how past conversations went, how I seemed to others, about paying bills, etc. So far I know this seems to be pretty standard for a lot of peoples lives, too, not just mine. Isn't that sad?

Then, wonderfully, my husband began listening to a friends Pastor over the Internet, a Pastor I'm eternally grateful to though our ideologies have begun to differ. Lol, that has to be a post in the future. My life was forever changed when God revealed how His Son died for me to be able to have eternity and I chose to believe and accept that gracious, awesome gift. The first change God wrought in my life was to give me control of my fears. I've spent the last five years without having to have my husband constantly reassure me that I'm ok. No more sleepless nights filled with worry over minor pains, sure that every cough was lung cancer from smoking, a habit that I enjoyed despite the risks. I now know what happens when I die. What's more I was saved from a place of torment, and can now look forward to being absent from the body, face to face with the Lord! I grow in the surity of my future the farther along I go with God. I also can focus more on how I appear to God rather than to people, I have an absolute truth I can model my life after, a perfect pattern I can follow.

What those words spoke to me about was how my worries and fear can still creep up and put me in chains, though its still better now by far since I can now cast those cares on the Lord. But now instead of my illness or death, I now fall into fear of something happening to my children. I no longer worry about how I am in comparison to others, but I start to worry how my kids are doing compared to their age bracket. Then there the stuff that's totally new because I was never a parent before. How do I raise my kids to be believers? How do I deal with others (family) disliking my parenting decisions when I mother them according to the Bible and not according to the 'wisdom' of the world? Lol, what if my son never potty-trains, a silly fear but one that was suprisingly consistant in its presence.

I can happily, gratefully say that I grow more capable of relying on God to take care of my kids. Lol, He is faithful in giving plenty of oppurtunities to do so, I get alot of practice, just like I'm sure every other Christian gets when they have toddlers. The next verse in that song says

"I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west"

My old self is dead, my past fears and worries are as far away from who I can be now as the east is from the west. But sometimes that doesnt feel very far. And I hate that. I love what Christ has accomplished with in me, He's given me the strength to do things the old me never would have been able to do. Like being able to move all the way from South Carolina to Massachusetts while pregnant with twins, having a two year old and a six month old to take care of all by myself, no family up here to help besides my husband. Like being able to choose a vaginal birth for those twins, when the overly cautious and God-lacking doctors said I should have a C-section. For no medical reason other than fear of what could go wrong, by the way. Like being able to let God have his say in my daughter Hannah's life when he gave her a hemanglioma on her face (a red mark about the size of a dime), instead of getting plastic surgery done on something that God is fully capable of getting rid of. I never would have been able to do that before I became a Christian, I was a very weak person. Granted the last one is a choice I made because I became a Christian, but I can chose what God wants and not give into fear of how it could turn out.

My strength comes from God and not from me. The end to that song is this:

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west

I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest

'cause You know just how far the east is from the west

From one scarred hand to the other

Jesus does know how far my old self has been cast from me. His sacrifice bought for me the ability to go to God, to call on Him when fears creep up. The last line, one that repeated throughout the song, reminds me of my death to self. Col 3:3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Hidden, protected, surrounded by that wall of fire, given armor to deflect the arrows. My new life is encompassed by Christ, by the leading ministry of the Spirit, by the love of my Eternal Father.